Something for the Pain
by kiba kai
Summary: You met Trowa in the bar and he tell you about his life ~^_^~ (2+3, 1x5 mentioned) Shounen ai


Disclaimer : I don't own them, no... thanks Sunrise  
Pairing : 3+2, 1+5 mentioned  
Category : Angst, Weird, OOC, Trowa POV  
Rate : PG-13  
Warning : Shounen Ai, some spoiler  
Timeline : After EW  
Note : Wolf's Challenge.. Uh I'm terribly sorry about this, I said I'll do it for ..er.. I'm not sure how long. :: sobs :: ^^'  


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-Something for the Pain-   
By Kai   
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"Dragons! Dragons are EVERYWHERE!" Shouted the Chinese former pilot deliriously. Sorry, that's my friend. It might not surprise you much if you see one of his hand is holding a half-filled bottle of brandy and the other one is pointing aimlessly up to the cracked ceiling of the old funky bar.   
  
"No…just in your crazy, diseased mind, bucko." Shot back almost suddenly by his .. well, his boyfriend; Heero Yuy who is about as coherent as his lover is.  
  
Please bear with them a little more, just wait until the booze knocks them down and then I will drag them home soon. Home? Actually our mansion donated by Quatre Raberba Winner. Do you know him? I bet you know if you haven't stumbled in here by mistake. Yes, the one with platinum blond.. no, no platinum gold. (Who the hack invented this kind of color?) He is the world's richest and youngest business man, lucky us... he's on our team. Former team to be correct. Oh, shit. I might be a little drunk, too. Don't mind my sentences.   
  
Who am I?  
  
Let's skip that question. It isn't that I don't want to answer, but I really don't know how to answer. Let me tell you my story... Maybe you don't wanna know, but well... I have nothing to do. So, listen if you have time.  
  
In the old days when I was the silent young soldier, I didn't see the difference between the living and the corpse. Everyday passed by as I walked passed the countless bodies lying in the battle field. I watched them, looked at them closely and sometime I fancied that I saw them smiling back at me. I sighed, that was only my imagination? Perhaps, since I was very familiar with Death. I brought Death to everyone who stood against my mission, I had to do that. It was a war... and for a long time after that, I thought I don't need to have a heart anymore.   
  
I must admit that those days changed me to be someone else. I wasn't sure if I could be my old self again. My old self? What did I used to be? Finally I would totally forget it and forgot to question myself like that too.   
  
I used to lie on the bloody ground on the colony, lift my head up and see the artificial sky. I pictured the real sky from the book in my head, wondering what it would feel like to watch the bright sky from the earth without this stinky smell of dried blood and used oil. It might be wonderful, very wonderful. I couldn't help but make a wish... I wished that there was a time, somewhere, someplace, when we could live without being afraid…but in our real life, if those moment really exist, now that time would gone and that place would dead…  
  
I never thought I still had an eagerness for changing my life until my chance came. I witnessed the death of Trowa, son of Barton Group leader. I didn't hesitate to take over his name; the name never bothered me since I never had one. Finally I became 'Trowa Barton'; the Gundam pilot...  
  
Sounds adventurous, ne? But that was how everything began.   
  


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

  
  
Here I am, the earth.   
  
I got the mission from those who granted me the new name; eliminate OZ. I didn't care whether it was the right thing for me to do or not, just do whatever they assigned me, like always. This was the only way to keep me being 'Trowa Barton'. I had nothing else... nothing at all.  
  
The mission didn't go as well as I planned, but that's it. Our enemy got stronger every time we fought. We? Yes, I met others Gundam Pilots soon after I completed several missions. At first I thought it would be only me, but my code was 03 - it didn't surprise me much when I found out that there were 01, 02 or even 04 and 05."  
  
Later we decided to stick together, we thought - no, only Quatre thought it would be better if we worked together since some of our missions shared the same target. Even if we were 'lonesome fighters' since we were born, especially these 01 and 05... What were their names again? ... Aa Yes, Heero and Wufei. Damn it. I should have stopped drinking while I told you the story. Ok.   
  
Where did I leave off? Hm. Oh. The pilot 02: Duo Maxwell. He fought like me, fought like there was no tomorrow, like something important in our lives was already lost. Me? The thing that I lost was a will to live except for him. I didn't know at that time, I just felt we had something in common.  
  
We got to know each other deeper than I wished to know. It was important to our mission; I tried to convince that. He was a sleepy head whose brain was in his stomach, hungry all the time. He acted before he thought, never washed his plates, never pulled out the inside part of a tissue roll (that meant that we used a tissue box later) and he usually left his dirty clothes everywhere but in the basket. When we told him about that he would say, "Shut up or I'll make you eat my gym socks." That was it... nobody would want to get near those.. um... some kind of germs-infected objects.   
  
"Don't touch me. I don't know what kind of disease you have." Wufei would reply sometimes. That might be the very first full sentence from him after his defeat by the OZ general in a sword fight. He was like a dead man back then.  
  
Those were all silly, yes. If we look at the bright side, Duo still had some good points. As I recall, he was the only one who had something we all lost - cheer and happiness. I was sure that he also passed through many cruel things... everyone did.  
  
As I told you I was trained as a soulless soldier. I bet Heero, Wufei or even Quatre was trained that way, too. It couldn't help that we lost the young spirit that suited our age, lost our concern in others feeling.  
  
Did anybody ever notice the lack of life in my eyes? Nobody would... except him, 02.  
  
  


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

  
  
  
"We are only fifteen, you know." He said it sometimes when he wanted to entertain us. I can say, if we didn't have him in the middle of those unbearable stresses and pressure we might have all went crazy. He was something... something that kept me sane. His smile and his laugh were like a string that bound my soul and body together. I never could imagine my life without him... that was too terrifying. Slowly with his help I learned the different between being alive and living.   
  
I wasn't sure what I felt toward him but one thing I know; days and nights that never bothered me began torturing me while he was gone. They said it must be love.  
  
...  
  
Hmm? Getting curious about my love life all of sudden, huh? Well, I don't mind sharing it with you, so...  
  
The topic of 'love' never crossed my mind before; Professor said it wasn't necessary to acquire that field of knowledge. Until the time had come… in the night that I thought it might be the longest night in my life, Duo went on the mission and lost the contact. We tried our best to locate him but the light of hope was so dim. I went outside and kept asking myself, 'What is this feeling... the feeling of missing him like crazy... my heart is aching... this pain... Does anyone know what it is? Where is it come from?'   
  
There was something like warm water streaming down my face... I realized that they were the tears, unstoppable ones. Maybe because they were held inside since the day I was born, they contained all the bad luck and every fucking pain that cut through my nerves.  
  
Then I asked the most stupid question to the sky, "Pain…is the world full of pain, or is it just me?"  
  
Those tears continued to crush my weary eyes, they blinded me completely from the fact that someone was approaching me. I forced my eyes shut only to have them opened again by a pair of gentle hands around my waist from behind.  
  
It was him... Duo.  
  
"What are you doing?" I wiped my tears away, asking him roughly but I didn't struggle out off his embrace.  
  
"Holding you, silly."  
  
Relived, that what I felt. I must admit that I miss his presence so much. I squeezed his hand lightly and turned to face him. With the light from the full moon reflecting in his eyes... I was drowning.  
  
"Skies are blue, roses are red, but why the hell are your eyes purple?" I traced my finger along the side of those violet jewels admiringly.  
  
"I feel that sometime you care about me, right?" I wasn't sure why he asked this question. I didn't answer because I aware of what he want.  
  
"..."  
  
"Why?"   
  
Yes, I cared... and I cared because I did.   
  
"I love you, Trowa."  
  
It's like a simple word, I didn't understand it. I just heard the word but I didn't feel 'love'... or the meaning of it was inside my body? I could feel some inner physical reaction to those words; my heart beat faster, my hands went colder, those words seemed to lift me up to the sky and I counted it as the most ... precious moment in my life... , did that mean 'love' too?  
  
"Trowa I want to kiss you."  
  
"Duo..?"  
  
"Do you hear it? Do you feel it, Tro? I was dead but my heart is still beating... only for you." and he kissed my cheek gently.  
  
"Why me, Duo? You could have anyone else... anyone that better than me." I really meant what I said, no matter how much I wanted him to say them only to me, those soothing words that made my life worth living.   
  
"You're thinking that you're worthless right? I've felt like that before but, you know what? I got nothing from thinking like that but 'pain'. I know what you've done; you kill people, so have I. Are you thinking I'm worthless too?"  
  
"No, you're not, Duo. You fight because you want to, you choose to fight but I'm not. I'm a killing machine, Duo."  
  
"Even that, just get over with it, Trowa. This stupid war is going to end; we will end it together. Please... stop blaming yourself for what you've done in the past; you didn't even want to do it. Forget them for Christ's sake! Everyone makes mistakes; you, me, and the world."  
  
"..."  
  
"You said I deserve anyone that better than you? No. Nobody better than anyone, so that we're not the best; I don't want the best, Trowa... because... because they're not you."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"There's no answer for every question, Trowa. I love you, I just do."   
  
I wasn't sure what my face looked like when he said that, I saw someone cry before and it looked awful...   
  
He slipped his arms around my torso, held me tightly. He placed a light kiss on the hollow of my neck, the kiss that I know what it meant. I lived with so much pain in my life but I knew that there might be something to heal them... and I think I found it.  
  
  


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

  
  
"Ppht. Look at those two, going at it like a pair of rabbits." The voice behind my back distracts me. What? Oh shit. Excuse me for a second. I think Heero and Wufei are drunk, but this time they aren't just passing out.  
  
"Heero, Wufei! Stop it." I tried to restrain them but I guess I had to try harder.  
  
"Wow, cool necklace! It looks like a key…" Heero said drunkenly and grabbed Wufei's silver necklace, as I recall, it was Heero himself who bought it for Wufei.  
  
"Stands to reason, darlin', seeing as it's the key to my house." Wufei purr in Heero's ear and nibble down Heero's neck.  
  
... Damn. Seems like they don't even hear me. I raise my fists and...  
  
--CENSOR--  
  
Ok.   
  
Uh. I forgot to ask if you're homophobic bastard. Well, I guessed not. Anyway, thanks for listening. I must go now, see you later.  
  
  
  
  
fin~  
  
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Kai: Phew~ kinda weird, I know ^^', Hey Wolf.. this is the MOST DIFFICULT challenge!! ^^' Thanks for good challenge!!  
  
Feedback: yes, YES please (*^_^*)

Edited by: trowacko 


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